AN EPISTLE TO MY FATHER

Hello, I heard that you were not a guy of intense greetings so I have to stick to that. I am writing this letter to appreciate what you have done for me so far, what I miss about you and reprieve of what I never got to learn from you. I know you are somewhere in the sky always listening, listening to every slightest sound I make. I know you have been observing me ever since the time we parted ways. The journey has not been so enjoyable but with me breathing it means I can still fight for another day. Just to prep you-if you are reading this letter it means I am headed your way. I might be coming to learn more from you or just to rest from the tribulations of this haunted world-just kidding I am not planning on dying soon, just not yet.

To start off, I thank you for being among the party that brought me into this evil piece of land you call earth, I mean it sounded great at first but as time went by, as the light shone with brightness I came to realize that there is more darkness than light. My innocence was maintained up to when I started schooling. My mind yearned for more, it wanted to learn and learning it did. I took in everything there was to imitate and reproduce even in a much finer embellished manner. I expected more from the world in that I was lost in not trying to give to it. You were part of my life that entailed the tender, sweet freedom of childhood but after that you were gone. Growing up turned out to be something I am still regretting even as I am writing this letter. It never stops happening. I don’t know much but I guess that’s the reason why I always feel the urge to learn and grow.

I do thank you for making sure that mother was never a disappointment, to that I tip my hat. You really knew your way around women. I wish I had such a character, so charismatic but then my relationship with mother might be something of an Oedipus complex. She is so loving and caring-such a wonderful woman. She always cheers me up no matter the level of lowliness I sink into. This might be one of your greatest achievements so far.

Your departure might have been untimely and just evil but it sure turned out to be of great lessons. Judging by my Christian character, I saw God’s hand in everything that happened thereafter. I am in my final year of pursuing a degree in Medical Laboratory Science. Sounds great right, deep within I am afraid but naturally I always appear happy and strong-willed. My academic life has been full of blessings from the Almighty. I attended my dream high school, even though it came to be my dream school only after reading its name in the secondary school application charts. Back to the current affairs, my fear is driven by the fact that; I don’t know what to offer the world or rather I don’t what to be expecting anything from the world. I may be sounding a bit crazy but times have changed, it is not like in your time when having a degree just made your life easier. Nowadays there are even sayings and encouragement on how to tackle life. They want to make sure you know what to do when the right time comes. Even with my degree I still need to invest in my talent to live comfortably. That’s right, I have got a talent. It is something I discovered two years ago. Surely, idleness can lead to inventions and imagine it is writing. 

I should have discovered this about time back in high school but then I was investing in my final mean grade. This talent goes back to primary school when I used to read any storybook and even won myself a post in the library. The smell of books on my nose was just captivating especially when they are just from the mint. It was such a great feeling that I am dreaming and working on having my own book published. 

Back to my life after university; first of all, I feel messed up by the tertiary education system. It is not what I was promised, sometimes I feel short-changed on that. I anticipated a magnificent institution on a large piece of land in the rural areas but then I was sent into a university within the city center. Leave alone that, the learning itself is something else. We are taught to take in what the lecturers have to offer and regurgitate it later during examinations-nothing less nothing more. (Sorry for the cliché’) I saw an academic system where I may research a lot and learn by my own means and improve my cognitive capabilities. I always discredit this but how to change that, begins with me. 

I am a new breed of laziness in that even something that will come in handy in future and is at arm stretch becomes such an impossible task. I want to change this but it is like an addiction. Speaking of addictions-I have tried my best not to disgrace the family with any form of addiction but I may have some of my personal obsessions. I will go to the grave with them. They are highly confidential and too hurtful to share. Were it face to face, I may have mastered the courage and told you about them but some things were never meant to be talked about. 

One thing that I would love to ask you is how it happened between you and mother. You guys looked great together-for me it is so far so good. I wish there was a way to learn from you about this thing called love. I may be younger but whom am I kidding-it is driving me nuts. Currently I have been reconsidering my stance on the subject both mentally and physically. I just can’t figure out the difference between bodily needs and mental attachment. About the bodily needs were you ever so hot-bloodied. I sometimes feel like I am cursed. The things I have done in this Godforsaken earth are by far much of a greater cost, a cost I am incapable to pay leave alone bearing.  I have done a lot all in the name of “love.” I know this sounds stupid and probably immature but this area was new to me but it has taken toll on a bigger percentage in my life. 

Pertaining to love I wonder if I will ever be able to raise a family of my own. Things look so complicated right now. I have a lot on my mind and with what is to add-our family lineage. There is more to a family than just siring children over and over again. I have dealt with a lot of kids and most of them seem to be enjoying bad parenting and poor mothering abilities. I may be learning but at the same time growing so much paranoid of what I will face in the near future. I know it is a tradition in our culture that once you turn twenty as a man, you should marry but with me it is going to be different. I just can’t marry yet when my spirit still feels so free and ready to explore the world. There are a lot of places I need to visit before being tied with family needs. There is more to learn too and expectations to lower because they are the ones that have turned me into such a disappointed soul. 

You remember my dream of being a doctor, well I came close enough by being a laboratory technician, and after all we both work in a hospital. Though I feel down-casted, I know things will turn out alright. I know working in a lab is full of routine and redundancy, so I want to pursue a master’s degree. I just want to be different from others as my goals are different too. I don’t know where to begin with this but I know and feel that time will prove me right. 

You remember your golden days. Those days you used to arrive home high on alcohol well, in college nowadays drunkards are termed as being wise. They ooze truth and truth only even without being under oath. Most of them do enjoy a long weekend sip of the poison. To this I congratulate myself, imagine I haven’t tasted any alcoholic drink. Things are great the way I am. A sober mind helps me in tackling the life pressure lightheaded. I know you used to take alcohol for recreational purposes only but I always felt like there was some other reason for doing so.

I want to thank you for reading throughout the letter patiently. Just know that as a father you held and still do hold a special place in my heart, a place yet to be contaminated by teenage love. I wish there was time; time to fully express my desires, thoughts and expectations of a father if you were here but seconds are ticking away and I need to be going over the lecturer’s notes for a cat tomorrow. Thank you for your love dear father.

Yours faithful,

Son

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