WHEN MORNING WILL COME

She waited on the bed covered with white sheets and red pillows by the sides. He was in the washroom for the third time that night. They had not done anything but he frequented the bathroom as if looking for something. She had tried her best to satisfy him, to make him rise to the occasion but today as he had explained earlier, he had a lot on his mind. She waited patiently after being awoken from her peaceful sleep. She kept looking at her phone.

She wore a cream nightie that had a fine finishing of laces just at the knee, her succulent brown thighs remained exposed for his satisfaction but tonight they just didn’t do it for him. She sat at the edge of the bed facing the door to the washroom, slightly exposing her inner thighs. She wanted to give him or rather serve him as he always wanted.

He came back from the bathroom as he tried to tie his shorts and adjust his vest over the protruding belly. He smiled at her as his eyes darted from her meek beautiful face to her alluring thighs. He couldn’t get enough of those hips but tonight he was not having any.

“Come here.”

She beckoned him with her fingers in a way to direct him to her. She rolled back to the bed ready to embrace him. He moved as clumsily as he could. His heartbeat increased ready to pump blood to his designated destination but something hindered it. He walked towards her nonetheless. Maria coiled herself on the bed in a seductive way in a bid to show him what he was missing. Peter Kweru moved onto the bed. In his eyes, the doubt and fear were all over. He did not understand why this was happening to him. He recalled sending her the risky texts and her riskier responses and how they planned to have this, a whole night to themselves.

“Let me help you with that,” Maria said so as she went for the shorts. She wanted him naked and ready to pounce. For some reason, he was so reluctant tonight.

“No, I will do it myself.”

Peter took the chance to get her warm hands off his body and peeled away. He went back to the washroom.

He opened the door and locked it behind him. He dropped his shorts and looked at his shriveled member. He felt sorry, for the first time. He was a forty years old man with what seemed like erectile dysfunction. He took it into his hands and started stroking it, the motion increased in pace as he saw it respond. His excitement showed on his face a brimming smile drew showing his yellow, tobacco-stained teeth. He was doing it. He kept going.

A minute went by and he was ready to open the door. Maria looked at her phone. No notification yet.

“Honey.”

“Yes?”

“Get ready I am coming.”

“For real, I have been ready since we got here.”

“Okay, I think you will get what you came for. I am actually rising to the occasion.”

As he opened the door, his member in his hands, and walk out half-naked, he felt the overwhelming softness. He felt it going soft in his hands. He didn’t bother to look down there. Maria watched the whole episode with disgust. She was somehow ready for him but as time went by, she became grateful as she didn’t have to do the heavy work and most likely he was going to pay her handsomely tonight. Just as compensation.

Peter Kweru turned as his face dropped and went back to the bathroom.

“Why do you think this happening?”

“As I had said earlier, it might be a hindrance in my mind. I have beaver experienced this before. You know me.”

“I do, that’s why I was really looking forward to this but well, we don’t always get what we deserve or want.”

Maria went back under the cover of the duvet and faced the other side. He came back and joined her on the bed. He resorted to sleeping.

Under the covers, he placed his crotch directly on her bum as the smooth skin touched him emitting a heat that was slow to affect him. He concentrated on his sleep. Maria felt the growth touching her as she smiled sheepishly. He was really doing. The power of the butt.

Peter did not take notice of the rise as he had assumed that it was one of those phantom erections he was to get as he had failed miserably in eliciting one.

She turned around and faced him. Her lips went directly for his as her hand went towards his crotch. She was ready as he was ready finally. She could feel him smile. They kicked the duvet off and as Maria got rid of the nightdress, peter signaled her to keep in on. He stood up and took her in his arms. Just as he was about to get into her, he felt the drop. He was soft AGAIN.

They slept facing the ceiling, Maria wrapped the duvet around her body leaving her head out. Peter wrapped his whole body in the duvet. Too afraid to face her.

It was now two in the morning. Maria stood up and took her phone to the bathroom.

In the washroom, she turned on the shower and the tap then sat on the toilet bowl. She lit up her phone and scrolled through her contact. She called a guy who was still awake on the other end.

“Is it done yet?” The guy asked.

“No. Are you done yet?”

“No.”

“I am waiting on you, I thought you were a pro at these things.”

“I am but this guy has a lot of money and I have to induce several wire transfers to remain untraceable.”

“How far are you?”

“Close enough. I may be done in the next thirty minutes. Are you still rolling with the other idea?”

“We haven’t done anything yet. For some reason, he has some problems with his erections. I am actually thinking of sparing him.”

“Good for you.”

“I will ping you once I am done. That might be you cue.”

“Okay.” She hung up the phone and went into the shower.

Peter Kware was listening at the door, thinking maybe she was self-pleasuring. Maybe hearing her would have helped with his case. He had the phone call but didn’t get anything else. He stepped from the door once water stopped running.

Maria came back. She strutted around naked and went for the towel. She wiped her body, nice and slow making sure he was looking at her. Peter went through his phone. He stole a few glances onto her magnificent body. He decided to concentrate on his phone and something sent him to his bank accounts. He saw the money and refreshed it to confirm only to see a balance of Ksh. 0.00. He kept refreshing but his goose was cooked.

He didn’t bother to talk to Maria. In a way, he sensed that she had everything to do with this. Noticing his overwhelming silence, she talked as she dressed into her favorite grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt

“Can I order some room service? I am hungry.”

“Suit yourself.”

She called the hotel number and in a few minutes, a meal came. She went to receive the meal sending off the room attendant as she took the meal. Her phone pinged as she was taking the meal. Peter looked at the phone and saw the message. “It’s done.”

He refreshed his bank accounts and saw the same reading as from fifteen minutes ago. He stood up to confront her. Maria was busy preparing the meal. She knew he would love a taste and, in such she saw, an opportunity to spike that side of the meal.

“You have a message.”

“Pass me my phone.”

“Who texts you this late?”

“It might be one of the service providers.”

She lied.

“The message says, ‘It’s done’”

“Who gave you permission to read my messages?’ She asked with a hint of anger.

“It is showing on your already lit-up screen.”

“Why do you read other people’s messages, you impotent sissy.”

That did it for him as he struck her on the face.

“Don’t ever insult me again,” he warned.

Maria reeled backward almost knocking the meal down. In anger, Peter took the meal and ate by himself.

Maria sat on the floor crying and exaggerating just to watch him finish the meal.

SWEET SWEET PAIN

You sat at the dressing table looking at your naked reflection, admiring the beautiful contours on your body. Beside you sat a computer on the table that had an MS Word window open. You were typing away one of your blogs for the day. This was the golden fiftieth blog post. As you looked at the reflection your eyes wandered to the computer as you spotted mistakes in the write-up.

You wondered if any of the posts ever got to anyone and if so did they help anyone? The blog posts varied from your personal life experiences to the views you had on life. They handled issues you faced daily, problems you avoided until they were no longer bothering you.

In your hand was a scalpel that you had carried from the hospital the previous day. This was your day off and it didn’t feel like it. You had a lot on your mind.

Slowly as if on the operating table, you slide the scalpel on your back, through scars from previous times you did this. You cut the skin open to a length of fifteen centimeters and let the blood flow. The pain made you feel alive. It was like a dose of cocaine through the nose. It awoke a sense you never knew existed. It touched you intimately in places you preferred to remain private. For a minute there you were flying high in the clouds, the trickling of blood felt like engine oil through the engine, it smoothened your navigation. You were high in the sky. Sailing away from the troubled earth.

Minutes went by and the blood clotted on your back, it was about time for another incision. You went for it. This time around, deeply and ruthlessly. It startled you, it shook you but you went for another one this time round trying to form a capital letter ‘A’. It formed perfectly on your brown skin as blood oozed to meet on your ass. The warmth of blood on your ass excited you like the touch of another human being.

You sat there quietly as if in a reverie, your head felt like it was swaying and you enjoyed the rhythm it moved to, you enjoyed the motion made. As minutes went by the blood clotted once more. You got ready for another cut, but this time your arms were too lazy for the cut, and with that, you fainted.

You woke up doubly bend over on the floor between the fluffy chair and the dressing table. Your head was light in the sense that you reeled backward as you tried to stand up. It took you a minute before getting the bearing of the surrounding. The computer was still on with a hissing sound like that of an asthmatic patient.

Your reflection on the mirror was full of despair and hate. You hated yourself for doing this to your body. You hated yourself for thinking about it, for having the energy to execute it so perfectly. You hated yourself because it was the closest you have ever been to pleasure. The pleasure that had prints of pain all over it. You enjoyed it.

You stood up as you prepared to go to the washroom. You looked forward to a hot shower, to reopening wounds that were trying to heal. You looked forward to allowing hot water to land on the back, burning up the wounds and filling up the scars. You looked forward to the water washing off all the blood as it drained on your skin into the pipes and into the sewage. What a way to wash your sins literally. Leave alone the biblical washing away of sins.

You switched on the heater and waited for a minute as the water warmed up. You took a towel into your right hand, wore a pair of blue fluffy slip-on, and waited at the door for the water to preheat. This was your salvation.

Into the shower, you went, hanged your towel on the protruding prong from the wall, and opened the shower. You watched as the water came from the nozzles, splitting into small particles as they descended to hit your yearning body. You wanted the touch of the hot water. This was what brought you back to reality after the episodes. The first particle touched your forehead as the rest went for the shoulder.

As the water touched the wounds, you turned. The pain was heightened just as you anticipated. It felt absolutely great. You tuned the tap to increase the intensity of water. You wanted more hot water slapping and tapping the wounds open. You wanted to feel it all. You bend over under the shower as you let the shower heat you all in the right places. Places you wanted more of the same. The water drained via your shoulders as the smell of blood hit your nostrils. The smell was the same as the one of blood on a blade.

You finished washing the other parts and stood under the shower. You rinsed off and dried yourself. You went back in front of the mirror. This time inspecting the damage you had caused. The back looked like the underbelly of a snake, smooth if one looked closer but full of scars at each touch. You looked at the scars and sighed as the craving for more crept in.

You hated who or what you were.

DANCING TO A NEW TUNE

Elegance was what the building screamed. Piercing the sky at the 67th floor the building hosted various companies but its main host was the government that had half of the floors in order to serve citizens better. The whole building was painted white with stripes of gold, it had a rotating door at the entrance that poured into an opening that had four receptionist desks arranged in a line on the left with the last one close to the lifts. The opening was expansive enough with an allowance of fifteen feet into the air before the first floor came into play. Directly opposite the entrance was a notice board made of concrete and polished finely to leave a chalk white finishing. On the notice board, was the word, “WELCOME” in gold. Below the board was a message that was slowly losing a few words thus being incorrigible.

At the entrance of the building was an extension that prevented rain from hitting the patio directly. The extension was seven feet above the ground. Below the extension were two uniformed guards that stood sentinel over the building and inspected everybody from staff to visitors. They allowed people through a metal detector that carried their luggage on a short conveyor belt to the other side as the people walked through.

The cleaning staff were the only people allowed into the building so early before duties resumed and so their bags were roughly checked by the night shift guards before they left for their day off. They were as drowsy as they could be from spending the whole night sleepless.

Each visitor was then allowed to write down their name at the reception as they confirm where they were headed into the maze above. The guards at the entrance were as friendly as they could be and as ruthless as their job demanded.

Security in the country had been beefed up since the last terrorist attack. The army concentrated on keeping peace within the country’s borders against the wish of many international bodies. This was termed as a cowardly move but the president insisted on the safety of his people first before taking the war to the enemies. Any bomb scare within the country or rather the city was met with a severe and quick response from the expected parties.

 Amollo Mike walked into the building at six-thirty in the morning as per his usual check-in time. He dropped his bag near the guard and stood there as they shared pleasantries.

“Hii bag yako leo ni mzito, umebeba mawe?”

“Haha, zi. I am planning to go somewhere in the evening for the weekend.”

“Oh, unatoroka nyumbani. Vijana ya Nairobi mna mambo.”

“I really need to cool off for a day or two.”

“Sawa. Salimiana huko penye unaenda.”

Mike smiled as he took his bag from the guard and left for the entrance. Inside the building, he took the staff book and signed before disappearing into the back. He was one of the staff that handled cleaning and preparing breakfast for the government staff. He also doubled as a seller of simple lunch to the workers who enjoyed his delicious meals ranging from Ugali, beans, fried meat, rice, and chapati. He had made a killing from it as a side hustle. The government workers preferred his cheap delicious meals to the expensive meals in the heart of the city.

He removed his home clothes and changed into his work clothes. The green khaki pants and a t-shirt. He made his routine around the building, he began from the southeast corner near the kitchen then went to the southwest corner and the northwest corner before ending his journey at the northeast corner. Today the routine was different as he had his bag. He moved from the corners cleaning and pausing for at most ten minutes before proceeding to the next corner. He was done with dusting the ground floor. He went to the next three floors and did the same. This was his share of the government offices.

It was now thirty minutes past eight and other cleaning stuff had arrived and were almost done with their chores. The workers started streaming in, once the rotating door began rotating it was for the whole day until when the business day ended and the building was closed down for the day. Observing from inside the building one would see the ever purging door that kept coughing people each minute without rest. Some came in some left. And others stood on the opening in the building without anything in particular until a guard came to notify them that it was inadvisable to idle there.

Mike was now in the kitchen preparing breakfast as he looked forward towards lunch and serving the ever thankful workers. Most of them didn’t leave their desks until three in the afternoon for a fifteen-minute break. As he cooked he hummed a song that had stayed with him from the moment he received the phone call yesterday. His mind got solace from the song rather than worrying about any events of the day.

Yesterday, he was contacted by his five years fiancé, hearing her voice reminded him of the first day they met, of the promises they held together, of the beauty life showed them. It had been a year since he last saw her and the calls had become fewer and fewer over the past six months but he understood her predicament. He also knew that the closer they got to an assignment the fewer the calls. She had duties to fulfill and rules to adhere to. Still, her voice had a touch of awe that drove him crazy.

His heart melted as he saw the incoming call that was cutting short his stream of music from the air pods. On reaching for the phone, he saw her name plastered all over the screen as the phone glowed in a bid to beckon him to receive the call. The light from the phone felt like embers of love ready to consume him once he received the call.

He lingered for a moment trying to find the best way to break the ice. He received.

“Hello.”

Her voice echoed in his head leaving a reverberating effect that made him feel jolly.

“Hello, long time Aisha. How are you?”

“Great, I hope you know why I am calling.”

“Oh yes but just to satisfy my heart let me say you are around.”

“I will come once you are done with this assignment. I want to know if you are ready love.”

The way she said the word love with a thrilling emphasis had Mike trembling as she waited for more words from her.

“Always have been love. I miss you.”

“Me too. Are you sure you will carry this to completion.”

“When have I ever failed you? Have you checked my success rate? It says it all.”

 “I know about your success dear, believe me when I say I have more faith in you than you do.”

“Do you now?”

“Yes, I will see after a week. Just know no matter what everything has to go down as planned. Don’t hesitate, don’t flinch. I will be waiting on the other side to welcome you like the hero you are.”

“I will not.”

“I love you Mike.”

This was the second time she was professing her love to him but he felt the doubt in her voice, the forced nature of the words but he was too desperate in want and so he believed her. He believed that she loved him.

“I love you too Aisha.”

“Remember to take care too, Amollo Mike Maalim.”

“You too.”`

That was his Muslim name after converting four years and five months ago. He converted around that time when he and Aisha started getting serious and Aisha asked him to honor one thing that would allow him into her family. He obliged without a second thought and from then the bond between them grew strong each day. They had never really talked about the love thing in depth. They each recognized the emotion from each other’s eyes and were contented with what they saw. Pure bliss.

Life had then moved him from Nairobi to the northern parts of Kenya for months as they figured the best way to live their lives and then back in Nairobi as they traveled to the coastal side of Kenya. Through the luxury that Aisha afforded him, she would disappear for hours only to reappear later in the day. He was always left happy with toys to occupy his free time, cars, video games, pocket change for entertainment, and indulgence. A simple poor man’s tastes.

The hotels they used for their stay were luxurious thus limiting him from moving around. He spent most of his time in their room awaiting Aisha’s return.

Her returns were colored with gifts from the local markets and more goodies. Knowing that Mike was not exposed to the various cultures of the areas they visited, Aisha saw him as an empty book that demanded her words and so she wrote. She wrote tirelessly, introducing him to new experiences every day, she wrote seductively, showing him romance in a new way from what he was used to (the Nairobi genital fluid exchange). He got to know things that he only read in books. In her, he saw his future and she played him to her tune. As she strung the strings, he produced her desired tunes and they danced along together.

He was not in any hurry to make a move on her, he was contented with the mystery of knowing she is his and she will always be there no matter. He looked forward to when they would make it official, to the night they will spend together as man and wife. A night with no repercussions whatsoever.

Although, he didn’t bother her. Some nights were as long and hard as he could get. At least thrice a week he would wake up in the middle of the night, all sweaty and ready to attack but he restrained himself. He would hold his boner in his hands and look as her raised behind lustfully. The dim lights that held romance closely allowed him to visualize himself mounting her as she screamed sweet words into his ears, words that encouraged him to go on and on and on, words that may have had two meanings but he only understood a part that massaged his fragile ego. As he sank into his vision of seeing them intertwined like a boa constrictor and its prey, he saw their bodies rise and fall in beads of orgasms that kept him all hard the whole time. He had made attempts to wake her up but as they had agreed he brushed off the idea. If he was to be disciplined, he had to conquer his animalistic urges to tore her clothes off and take her right there and then. She had said the control was part of a training that she was preparing him for. He obliged.

They moved from coastal Kenya after a year and traveled back to the north. All this time, he was never bothered with the financial status of Aisha. After all, he was fed, sheltered, and clothed and all this was done in style and beauty that ensured the best in life. The trips were well planned with each via a plane for long distances and the short ones with their newly acquired cars. He was living the best life he could ever ask for and not paying for it. Sinister.

In Northern Kenya, they crossed to Somalia and went deep into the foreign country. In the time they were together, Aisha had taught him the country’s various languages that had an overlap of each other in some words. He could manage to understand and nod in agreement as he affirmed statements directed to him.

IN MY FEELINGS

I sat in the little cringed up, dim-lit room as I waited for the priest. Sunrays were entering through cracked spaces leaving a lingering shimmering effect that drew silhouettes of ghosts on the wall. I fidgeted a little to fit comfortably on the chair as I peeked through the meshed small opening between me and the next empty room.

I took a deep breath in and started having second thoughts. This was my first time to come into this room and it felt like waiting for the disciplinarian in the staffroom. The priest took his time.

“What are you doing here?” My inner voice kicked off a conversation.

“I came to confess my sins.”

“Do you think this is going to help you feel good?”

“No, but I have to get this off my chest. I have to tell someone and talking to the priest is the best way out after all they will not share with anybody. A safe bet I may say.”

“You do know if you are to change or in any way sort out your feelings you have to talk to the one who elicits them.”

“I can’t do that to her, don’t you see how happy she is?

“I can see that but she is living a lie, Caleb. You owe it to her, to tell her how you feel. No matter how painful it will be. Just tell her.”

“I can’t do that to her. She has been through a lot.”

“Are you happy?”

“I…”

Before I could contribute, the priest stepped into the other room. He was ready to receive me.

“What brings you here my son?”

“I am here to confess I think.”

“Well, whenever you are ready.”

“How do we do this father? Do I share my problems then we pray or we reflect upon them?”

“Are you saved my son?”

“I was but I have backslid.”

“Well, I am here to listen to you and help you find your way to the Lord for absolution.”

“Okay then that might really help me. Should I start?”

“Yes please.”

“Okay, I don’t know what is happening but I am falling out of love with her.”

“Who are we talking about?”

“Ooh, my wife. We have been married for the past nine months, three of which I took care of her while she was ailing.”

“Okay.”

“I met her a year ago during one of those walks from town back when the governor was trying to get Matatus out of the CBD. She was dressed in a short, black flared dress with a pair of black flat shoes that absorbed her short gait even further. I had bumped into her thus prompting a sorry as she turned ready to curse. I smiled wickedly and covered the smile with an apology. The little chat did find its way into dinner dates and planned lunches that we had as I went by my daily duties. She was great.”

“Then what happened that you falling out of love with her now?”

“After four months of meeting her, Angela was admitted, she had these serious cramps that drained her to the point of fainting. I visited her the second week as she was recovering. In the one week we have been apart, Angela had lost weight such that the sheets and the blanket around her did not hide the protruding bones. She was frail. As she breathed in, I could see her ribcage rise and fall. I held back my tears as they welled up in my eyes. I could feel their hot stings in my eyes. I closed my eyes for a minute in a bid to control them. Angela looked at me and smiled. She was staying strong for both of us. I sat down in silence as I looked into the future. She was the girl I loved and the future seemed bleak. A moment later the doctor came in with her results, she was developing stage three cervical cancer that was slowly becoming metastatic.”

“You must have been devastated.”

“I remained seated not to faint as I try to stay strong. Angela looked at me, tears rolling down her now bony cheeks, her breathes were shorter as she resorted to sobbing. I sat there knowing not what to do or say. I had never seen anyone suffering from cancer so close plus I didn’t know what the next steps will be. The doctor went on explaining how they were intending to help her, treat her in a bid to control the spread and cure her. Angela and I were lost in our own worlds.

I could see Angela in a wedding dress smiling as she walked down the aisle as I waited for her at the altar. She was energetic. Her movements were full of power as she savored the moment. My heart stood for a second to take in the whole magnificent view before the doctor brought us back asking for a consultation with her next of kin.

Her parents had gone for a break and her sister had not yet arrived. I stood as I went to talk to her. She was insisting I fill in for her after all she asked, ‘You do love me, right?’. How was I going to refuse that? I agreed that I loved her but her family was the one to handle this one. We waited for her kin as we sat in silence.”

“Alright.”

“She begun her treatment after a month which was to allow ample time for financial plans, I chipped in what I could. I helped the best way I could. Her family seeing my commitment asked what I wanted with their daughter. I obviously wanted a life with her. As the treatment went on, Angela seemed to grow worse. Her body was not so responsive. This led to more financial strains and I had to chip in more. I remember one evening the father stating that if the end goal is to marry her daughter then with the help, I was offering I should consider myself pardoned from paying the bride price.

I talked to Angela every day before I went home and each day she had resolved to let go of life. She had despaired to the point that she just wanted to go and abandon the suffering she was undergoing, the pain and the emotional hurt. Her frail body had undergone major changes; from losing hair, to increased weakness and her exposed bone structure. I remember one day I caught her looking at herself in the mirror naked as tears rolled down. She was going through a lot.

We talked of things she will miss as the conversation took us there. We talked of dreams she will leave unachieved. Then I asked if there was one thing, I could do for her. She wanted to be married via a church wedding. I thought about it for a while and decided to have her achieve this one thing. After all, I had already paid the bride price.

A month went by and we got hitched in the most beautiful wedding as Angela puts it. She was the happiest I had seen her in a while. We went for our honeymoon at the hotel next to her hospital. The first seven days we spent together as a married couple were heavenly. On the last day, Angela collapsed prompting another admission. This time round she started responding to the treatment.

Two months later, Angela was healed as we held thanksgiving at her church. It was wonderful to see her walk and eat with anxiousness. I watched her eat at the event with satisfaction but at the same time my stomach sunk in as I came to realize over time, I was growing to hate her.”

“Why did it come so sudden?”

“I don’t know father. I have tried to make sense of what I am feeling for the past three months.”

“Do you know what you bare feeling?”

“Yes, I hate her. I loather her. Am I a bad person for loving her in the short time she was sure she will be dying the next time? I guess I loved her so much knowing that tomorrow she may not be alive. I don’t know what gave me comfort. The fact that she was going to die or the fact that I am only to love her for a short while.”

“Wow. I cannot judge you. Why do you hate her?”

“She just annoys me and the fact that we are married and I will have to spend my life with her probably the next 40 or so years. I can’t take it anymore.”

“Why haven’t you told her how you feel?”

“She is so happy. She says that she has never been so fulfilled. I don’t want to see that fade. Why do my feelings have to come in her way of happiness? I mean, if I am to be forever unhappy and she remains the happiest she could, then my coffin is sealed.”

“Why are you here son?”

“I came to let this off my chest and now that I have, I guess goodbyes are in order. How do we do this? Do I just stand and leave or do I do a hug gesture and then leave?”

“We are not yet done. You have said your part and now it is my turn.”

“Okay. I am waiting Father.”

SHE CAME, SHE SAW…

She sat quietly in the middle of the congregation, her notebook in hand with a pen ready to write as the Reverend taught. Today she was feeling a little worried and so far, into the middle of the sermon she had not written anything leave alone the book of the day. She had left him sleeping and went to church as her norm. She was not going to miss the church no matter what was to happen. Her sleepless night did not make her tired during the day but it had her worried.

 At home, her husband had come home drunk late into the night. He was becoming worse with the absence of children. He came at 3:00 AM. She had sat through the night unable to sleep the moment it got to past twelve in the night.

As he entered the house, Mary stood by the door wondering why he had to do this to her. She was greeted by the stench of alcohol as he pulled himself together to get right into the house. She felt disgusted as she cringed her nose in a bid to wade off the smell. He went straight into the toilet, took a piss and sat down on the toilet bowel. He was tired.

Mary closed the door and sat in the living room. She wanted to serve him food but until he asked for it she was not going to trouble herself and attract insults. A moment passed before she decided to check on him. He was asleep with his phone in hand. He snored and swallowed saliva before clearing his nose loudly and swallowed. His eyes remained shut.

She took the phone and placed it under her arm. She was to move him into the bedroom for a night’s rest. Mary took a position beside him and placed his arm around her neck. She tried lifting his heavy set body in vain. He was drunk and his muscles relaxed as his brain had given up on any movement. He was not ready to move. He opened one eye and drew a smile than came off as a smirk. Mary was growing impatient by the minute.

“Baba Angie, amka, amka twende bedroom.”

“Kwani tuko wapi?”

“Kwa choo, amka twende…nisakusaidia kutembea.”

“Sawa, simu yangu iko wapi?”

“Nimeiweka vizuri, karibu uiangushe. “

“Asanti, you do know I love you. You’re the only precious thing in this miserable life. I hope me, coming in late does not inconvenience you in any way. That will make me mad.”
“No, baba Angie, it is all well. Just stand up and let us go.”

“Okay.”

He went for the door handle and made a pass as if standing only to come down tumbling. He hit the toilet bowel as it clanked to accept his weight. It made a shift. Mary knew they were to repair that. He sat upright now halt awake from his sleep.

“I am really sorry. Are you hurt?”

“No, just try standing and let us go.”

“Okay.”

He stood up as Mary supported him. They walked out of the toilet safely as Joni placed his whole weight on her. She breathed heavily under pressure. She was used to carrying him around but with time she was growing tired.

“You’re my savior, darling. Are we to the bedroom yet? I am getting tired.”

Mary clicked and shook her head, “No, just a little longer and we will be in bed in no minute.”

“Thank you so much. You are always there for me.”

“Okay, keep it moving. You’re so heavy.”

“Yes? You cook great food. That’s why.”

They got into the bedroom and Mary set him on the bed side to get his shoes off. He sat quietly and lifted his feet. Hiccups started kicking in, each time it happened he would bounce like a ball and then settle in. Mary pushed him on the other side of the bed and covered him with the duvet. She closed her eyes and said a prayer silently.

As she prayed, her eyes became watered with tears, she wanted God to heed to her prayer. She wanted Him to touch and change her husband. She went on for a while and said Amen. Joni was fast asleep and so they slide into slumber.

At 4:30 AM, Mary was woken up by a groan from Joni, as she turned to face him, he retched and vomited on her face. The hot mixture of food and undigested material hit her before she could escape. Joni took a deep breath in and let out another vomit this time on Mary’s night dress.

“What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing, I think I am going to be sick,” He coughed.

“Really, can you act like a grown-up for once, just once? Be an adult. You just had to vomit after spending some time in the toilet. Now I have to change everything. Hebu, wake up let’s go to the toilet. We both need to clean up.”

“Kindly bring me a wet face towel and a glass of water. I am tired, I cannot stand up.”

“Oh, you’re coming with me. Besides I have to change the whole bedding or I may leave you to sleep in your own vomit. You seem comfortable in it.”

“Please, darling. Okay, let’s go to the washroom then.”

“I am not supporting you.”

“Come on.”

He stood up and supported himself by the walls as he moved towards the washroom. Mary stood by the bed disgusted. “How could a grown man act so foolishly? Can’t he just wake up and go do his business in the toilet.” She took off the bedding and changed the duvet. She carried the beddings to the washroom.

They took a shower and she soaked the beddings before coming back to bed. It was now five in the morning. Mary could not sleep lest she risk missing the sermon. She changed into her church clothes and left before even preparing tea. She got to church earlier than expected to find only the Reverend. He was singing and praying as he moved about the compound. His wife had died several years ago and since then he had invested his time in church and dedicated his life into serving.

She greeted him and entered the church for the intercessory session. She was to pray for her family, her church, her country and the world as a whole but first her husband. The night before was the worst she endured and she knew so well that if she was to keep quiet it was to get much worse each time. She took to her knees and presented her problems the best way she knew how.

The Reverend, moved about in the pulpit, “As you’re saved be ready to get your dirty linen being aired in the open for everybody to see. Everyone will be against you but don’t hate them for they don’t know what they are doing. In fact, help them to the Father, help them to the Lord, and help them to a life in Christ the Messiah.”

Mary was drawn back as she heard the word dirty line. She remembered what awaited her at home and the day after his drinking. He was always grumpy and ready to quarrel. Knowing that she had not prepared anything for him freaked her out as this would give him more bullets in his gun.

The sermon ended, they prayed together and the Reverend left for the office where he rested for an hour before readying himself to receive lambs of his church for guidance and counselling. Mary came in last. She wanted ample time with him.

“Hello Mary, how are you? Are the children okay? How is your husband?”

“I may say fine but I am not okay. The children are in school, the husband is the one troubling me.”

She gave a recount of the first time, Joni came home drunk. It was during the long holidays when both Angie and Martin were at home. He came home silently and went to bed without talking to anyone. Angie and Martin were both in their first years in college as twins they went through school together.

“I am not resenting his behavior but ever since marrying this man after his wife’s death he has not been treating me as his wife. It is as if I have something that he finds undesirable.”

“I am sorry to hear that. Can we get together with your husband and talk through this?”

“I will ask and get back.  And then last night he came home…”

Marry broke into a soft sob as she narrated her last night’s ordeal. It was a first of many that were yet to come. She had to be strong but she lacked the strength.

“It will be okay, just listen closely to your husband, he might be speaking and you’re not listening. Sometimes men find it hard to express themselves in words. Peace be with you.”

“Thank you Reverend.”

She stepped out with a new plan. Outside she met with Mama Kanisa. She was happy to see Mary.

“Hey Mary, how was your week?”

“Great, how are the kids doing?”

“They are back in school for the final term but every evening I find them healthy as ever. They give me strength to go through these hard days.”

“Nice, how is work?”

“All is well, did you manage to get the number to that tailor. I want to get a new Ankara suit?”

“I did, I was to send it over but since you are here let me just read it to you.”

She gave her the number and left hurriedly. A lot was waiting for her at home.

Joni woke up, warmed last night’s supper. Took two bites, stepped into the shower and left. He went to rejoin his friends at the Mua Sports Club. It was a relaxing Sunday.

Mary got into the house, took the dirty dishes into the sink and went into the bedroom to change. She took her phone and got a message from Joni that was sent an hour ago.

“I will drop by in the evening. I am with friends at Mua.”

She took off the church clothes and went into the shower to check on last night’s mess. She washed the beddings with the duvet and aired them outside. She swept the house, sprayed the air freshener and made the bed for tonight. She sat down in the living room, took her Bible for a review of today’s book and turned on the TV.

She made notes from the book of the day and then took a nap on the chair in the sitting room.

Joni came back at four in the evening. He greeted her as he woke her up. He went into the toilet and into the bedroom. He took a few minutes there and came back.

“Songa niake hapo,” He asked his wife as politely as he could. Mary moved to another seat. Joni took the remote and changed to the weekend’s football game. He turned the stereo system on and blasted the house with Rhumba music. Mary sat through the noise before she stood up for the bedroom.

“Hey, love, do you have anything you want to share,” Joni shouted before she disappeared.

“Yes, what happened last night?”

“I am sorry about that. What can I do to get past this?”

“Oh, you’re not getting a free pass this time.”

“Okay. So what is the price?”

“We have to have a meeting with our Reverend.”

“No, name something else. I can’t do that.”

“That’s the only thing I want right now.”

“Okay, when are we to meet him? I hope you told him to come by the house.”

“If we are to do this, then on Tuesday evening. Okay.”

“Sawa.”

On Tuesday, the Reverend arrived at exactly two in the afternoon. He was ready for a lengthy talk with the family. They had prayers and exchanged Bible study ideas and opinions as they waited for Joni. He did not come.

The reverend left at six in the evening. He apologized for inconveniencing them and said he would prepare better next time. He said he would pray about it. Mary remained in the house disappointed in her husband. She was deprived of touch, of love of happiness just because her husband did not care anymore.

Joni came home that day disgruntled. He apologized and complained of how hard the day was, his customers were giving him quite a headache. He had to sort them out before coming. Mary listened to him blubber with contempt. She wondered why he could not just be straightforward with her.

Days went by and schools were closed, Angie and Martin came for a short holiday before they resumed for their last year in college. They knew the drift between their father and their step-mother. They tried their best not to be caught in between or be the cause of any of their frequent quarrels. They maintained their safe distance.

As time went by, the children went back to school. Mary was now frequent in visiting the Reverend. She wanted his advice and encouragement to get through each day with Joni. And as such, she grew to like him. She would just pop by the church to help or just be close to the Reverend. His presence made her heart settle. In his presence, the worries flew away, the anxiety toned down and the anger subsided.

As her presence became more frequent, the Reverend avoided her at first as she had had an experience with such church members but the more she shown an interest in him the more it became difficult to avoid her.

The first time they were together was when Joni had agreed to the meeting again and did not show up. The Reverend spent better part of the evening with her. She was dressed freely and as they went on talking, Mary edged herself closer to him. She wanted a man’s touch, she craved for it.

It took a while before the Reverend gave in, and Mary was rewarded for the wait. She gave it her all and she was welcomed without pressure or fear of rejection.

The second time was still at their house, this time they went to the marital bedroom. As they were deeply enjoying each other, Joni came by, went through the kitchen, took his notebook by the living room and left to go at his parked car in the compound. The Reverend was shocked to the core as Mary laughed her heart off. The thrill of being caught pushed her off the edge of pleasure. They went to the shower and the Reverend left.

As the Reverend left the house, he saw Joni seated at the car. Joni saw him. He made for the door as the Reverend hurried off. Joni opened the door and chose to go after him. He was to talk to him.

UNBALANCED

 “So babe when am I allowed to cheat?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You know what I am asking, when am I allowed to cheat?” he said the words slowly as if trying to let them sink in. He wanted her to get the point before making any other decision.

“Where is this coming from? Why are we discussing this? Where did you get the audacity to ask me such?”

“It is something that has been on my mind, something that I have thought about for a while.”

“Have you cheated before?”

“No.”

“What makes you think you will get away with it?”

“Nothing and everything. You’ll be amazed at how screwed up the universe is at maintaining the balance.”

“Are we still talking about the same thing?”

“Yes and so far you haven’t given me an answer. Am I going to get the answer soon or is it something I will have to wait for a few days?”

“David, why do you think I would dignify such a question with an answer?”

“Because it is bound to happen sooner than you think.”

“Are you planning to cheat on me?”

“No, but…”

“No buts, it is settled then.”

“I was trying to be upfront by suggesting it. You do decide everything I do, why wouldn’t you decide this too, after all a controlled environment is better than the wild.”

“Listen here David, if you want to cheat, knock yourself out. Don’t come here pushing ideas into my mind. What do you think is going to happen after you inconsequential fling?”

“Nothing, but still it depends.”

“Are you planning to cheat on me? Or you have already done that and now you trying to cleanse your sins by creating a loophole.”

“No and no. I wanted your thoughts on this because eventually it may or may not happen.”

“Okay, so let’s talk about it. Why do you think you are bound to cheat on me?”

“Firstly, thank you for the past five years in marriage it has not been easy but you have been the best version of you daily. Secondly, through your unwavering support we are moving steadily to the financial freedom we have always desired. In a few years we may be able to live comfortably without strains that is if we keep the current momentum and increase it a little bit.”

“Get to the point David, I have issues I need to settle before I sleep and the child is yet to take her milk for the night.”

“Okay, but I am painting a picture here and that needs patience. Can we do this some other time then?”

“No, since you started it, let get it over with. It seems like an important topic to you and the way you’re talking; you must have thought about it for a long time.”

“I just said that but not in the context you’re putting it.”

“What context?”

“Let’s not get ahead of everything. Should I go on?”

“Yes please.”

“Knowing very well that I handle our financials, this gives me access to money or will give me access to money, unused funds or unplanned for funds or rather money in the account. I am bound to change the car that I am driving right now, to something sleeker. I am bound to make sure I look rich or at least I am trying.”

“Are we going to get to the part where you cheat on me?”

“You’re not seeing it yet. Indeed, you’re tired. Let us do this tomorrow please.”
“No, we’re talking about this today.”

“Okay, what I am saying is, the richer you get the more likely you’re to cheat. The traps are laid in front of you. Of integrity, the war within is fought, to do or not to do? Your integrity is tested daily, eventually you will give in.”

“Are we still talking about you because this person in your story seems hypothetical?”

“I can’t use myself as example in this story, this is not a dream where I will triumph. In this story tragedy hits and it hits really hard.”

The child screamed from the next room as Aida rose up to go to her. She got there to find her already wet, she had to change her diapers. 

David was left in the bedroom trying to figure out a way to put his point across and not sound offensive and insensitive. The more he thought about it the more he was convinced how foolish he was to start such a conversation with his wife. It was a topic he had brought up during their weekend drink outs with the boys and they all contributed lively. It was something he had thought about for quite a while. Talking to his friends was one way to get more views but theirs were one-sided and somewhat myopic. He wanted fresh eyes and ears and a new perspective, may be a victim perspective. 

He wished he had brought the topic in a different way but here he was and they were already in the middle of it. He had to get his points in order to make sure his wife does not twist up the whole thing into a mistake, though it already felt like a mistake. He was muttering to himself as his lips moved forming words while shaking. He stood from the bed and stretched before going back to bed and covering himself with the duvet. 

Aida came back, she was smiling. The child was now back to sleeping, she had received her share of milk for the night. 

“So where were we?”

“We were arguing about a hypothetical character in my story.”

“Okay, carry on.”

“Every rich person cheats, the forgiveness comes in with the level of richness. The richest get away with it, those closer to the richest get a few warnings and the ones in the middle it might get physical but the rest it all gets to everything dirty.”

“So where do you lie?”

“I am at the middle headed to the upper side.”

“One thing is I will not fight you if you ever cheat on me. I will leave, get my child and go.”

“I know and that is why I am asking you, when will I be allowed to cheat?”

Aida was slowly growing irritated; she couldn’t understand how low David was going to get. She had always expected his standards to be low but this was a new level of lowliness. “Why would he ask me such a thing?” She thought.

David went on to explain why he thought he would cheat on her. He talked about her letting go of her body, getting old with time and everything superficial. Aida was lost in her world wondering how foolish David was going to get. Then she heard him stating how he would cheat.

“It is inevitable; the lesser value we give sex the lesser it will affect us. Have you heard of those who exchange wives for a day or two? A group of men and women decide to get together and swap wives and husbands. It is thought to reduce incidences of cheating. We are human and routine bores us and with time we tend to want change.”

“I have heard of such but to me it is unwelcomed. I cannot allow my body to be passed around like a blunt. How sure are you will cheat on me once the money starts flowing in?”

“Ladies throw yourself literally at you when you’re moneyed. They want to tap into your fountain and since sex sells, the only commodity they have is simply that. Besides, the good thing about college girls is that they are forever twenty-one years old. No matter the time, there will always be a fresh supply of twenty-one years old damsels.”

“David you mean to tell me; you want to cheat on me. “

“I am informing you since every decision in this house runs through you, why not this one?”

“What do you want, David?”

“Right now, I want to sleep. About cheating, that’s to come later.”

“Okay, you do you, but if I get wind of anything, and I mean anything. I am gone.”

“I don’t know why we are pushing so much for the break up. Sex should not be that negative. We put so much power into sex such that men and women die because of it. We toil and work hard for it. Any little success pushes us towards being ratchet. I remember reading a tweet about a guy saying that any other day of the month, he is a humble man but come payday, his fornication spirits arise. Anyway, if it was to come, if it was to happen, if the worst comes to the worst and I am cornered I will still call you for advice.”

“Seems like you’re ready to live up to your name, David. One thing is I cannot bring myself to accepting that you cheated on me. At least if I was to hear that as rumors but from you, no, no, should not happen. I mean what could be possibly so wrong with me that you cheat on me and we smile at each other, that kind of stuff drains you of the little will to live, of the little sanity to focus on reality, of the little self-esteem you have, of the little dignity you carry around. It should be punishable. Here you’re pushing for such a conversation casually.”

“It is happening everywhere, even right now someone is being cheated on. The only difference is I am willing to be honest with you, I am willing to accept my weakness and embrace it. I don’t want to fight it.”

“Let me sleep, and if what you’re saying was to happen then you have a long way to go. Get the money first. Maybe this is why your plans take long to mature, God sees all your blessings washed up the drain. He is taking His time trying to prepare you but here you’re stuck on some stupid logic. Blessings come with responsibilities and if you feel ready then test your preparedness. Goodnight baba Varsha.”

“No, it can’t…”

“It is a bit late, you need to sleep.”

BACK AT IT AGAIN

Hello,

I don’t think we were ever meant to be, not by any shot. The circumstances we find ourselves in don’t allow that, they don’t nourish that, they don’t encourage it and will never allow it to flourish. I can’t say I am sorry nor do I regret being close to you but some relations are just that-no next level.

The first time we met, it was wonderful. All I could see was your presence. I hugged you and felt the energy in you craving to be tapped. I saw myself in the future you by my side. Probably in our forties with two or one kid. Life would be different; I would be a different person since you always had a way to change things even if it meant shuffling them. I would not recognize myself but you would be happy for having to finish your project. In your eyes I would be a masterpiece, your masterpiece. I for one would be growing desperate by day, tired by the second, eventually all would tumble down. Your dreams of a loving husband and a normal family, a perfect life would crush from the buildup of unshared hatred.

Hatred of the things you made me do, of the things I had to absorb just not to see you angry. Suddenly it will feel like I am human and I too have my flaws which you overlooked in the spark of the moment. I don’t blame you, I will not blame you. You were a beautiful fleeting moment in my life like a snug in a cruise, you hit and stay for a while before deciding to go on with your life.

I know you want to hold onto this, but it was dead before I even distanced myself. The earlier you recognize this the better. I don’t want to be your obsession nor your idol that’s too much expectation to put on a person. I cannot live up to that. It is just impossible.

I know it won’t be easy but for the same reasons I stayed, I will be leaving. Your politeness makes it hard for me to be me. I can’t laugh in a certain way, I cannot dress casually and comfortably, I cannot touch some places on your body, I cannot hold your hand in public, what of a kiss? Will you allow me to drop one on you in public?

I didn’t try my best, I saw no reason since no matter the effort, your resistance was great. What you didn’t fancy was not going to happen. We would rather sit in silence for days that you admitting to letting loose.

I am a random person, I don’t follow structures and that comes as a mess, a hot mess and for you it would have stained and stayed for all the time we would be together. My randomness was going to hurt you, hurt your ego, hurt your meekness and I am not ready to see you shed tears just because I was being myself.

After our first encounter, we stayed apart for six months which saw us growing differently but you still hung on the idea that I would one day fall for you, fall for your love, love you wholeheartedly. However, I didn’t, I haven’t. All that time, you crossed my mind severally but all I could see were the times we were together that led us to stay away from each other.

We met again for the second time. You were still single, good for you but I had jumped right into the pool and I was soaking wet, by the time we met. We talked for a while and you let loose the floodgates. Your emotions were all over. You wanted to know why we couldn’t be together, why I could not go out with you, you wanted to know why I always chose to stays indoors with you. You wanted me to be more outgoing, to let go of my habitual binge-watching of movies and TV shows and go out. You wanted to know why I was so stubborn when we held conversations about the world, religion, politics and above all parenthood.

You did not subscribe to the fact that I did not care about anything. You didn’t ask why and I never said. You hated my attitude towards life. You wanted me to stand up for something. It was not going to happen. Still for the second time, your timing was off.

Before we made out the first time. I told you I was seeing someone but you didn’t care. You wanted me just for yourself-how selfish. We shagged severally and the idea of having two ladies at the same time ate me inside out. You asked once about her after informing you of our timely breakup. I could see your face beaming up with a smile but you said, “I am sorry. It is going to be okay.”

Of course it was okay, we made love, you had new energy or so your brought game. I could not recall any other time that you gave your all. I was sold that night, but not totally sold.

The second time I also told you I am seeing somebody and you went silent for a month. You resurfaced and argued that we should be together, that that was the second time we were hitting it off. We talked for the whole night and before we could sleep early in the morning you asked confidently as if not weird enough, “What do you think about us?”

It caught me off guard, I stood up and went to the shower and went to my house. I was not ready to talk about us because there was no future. You always ruined the present with your future proposals or your past pains. You couldn’t just stay here where it shines brightly, you had to dim the light.

I am old enough to marry, I am at that particular age where thoughts of marriage creep into the mind by default but I always push them down or away. I don’t want to think about spending my entire life with someone. As beautiful as everyone makes it feel, it scares the shit out of me plus the responsibility of worrying about the wellbeing of somebody else.

I will always fail at being married. My poor attitude towards it being tolerance, being brutally honest and wanting to be free of no obligations, doing what I want when I want however I want it. Your presence will ruin or hold hostage everything I ever dream of.

I don’t know if you have noticed but I am insensitive at the most inopportune times. I tend not to stay in touch with human feelings which will probably make me a bad father and a husband too. Being able to empathize is something that I have been unable to grasp. It just slips between my fingers.

I hope this finds you happy as it may devastate you. We cannot work out not in a billion years. We are different people and I cannot tolerate your unending need to change me. You’re always looking for ways to improve me as you say it.

The look on your face when I try to harbor hair disgusts me. It reeks of disappointment which is an emotion I can’t deal with. For now, we go our separate ways. Be smooth it will work out, you will get what you’re looking for, something I cannot provide, something I have been unable to give you.

Enjoy your life while you can, whether short or long. My presence in your life was just a distraction and if it went on long enough it would turn to be a disruption to your perfect life. As you had asked, I have thought about us and all I can see is a dark cloud of sadness, pity and turmoil. Pain would be our daily portion and that’s not a way to live life. Enjoy what’s left of your promised life.

IT HAD TO BE DONE

“So where do we go from here?”

“I for one, either hell or heaven. Do you think I am fit enough for heaven?”

“No, but again you still have a chance. You do know all you have to do is ask for His forgiveness. Just humble yourself before him. He is always waiting for you to reach out so that He can pull you out of the muck.”

“Really, anyway I will hold onto the superstition that whoever kills you carries your sins thereby cleansing you. In this case it is you.”

“Haha…our childhood was fun. I don’t see that helping you in anyway. May be you’re too afraid to let go of the guilty as it makes you feel more human. You shouldn’t be doing that, you are not supposed to do that. It is beyond your capability to be human.”

“I guess I no longer need to be human, that feeling of weakness, hopelessness and the idea of lack of control. I am on my way to be something else. Why did it have to be you?”

“That is a choice you made long ago. It is something you’ve been driving towards for a long time. You cannot run away from fate. Once it shines its fangs on you, you brace yourself for the turbulent attack.”

“Why didn’t you point me to a different direction? Why did you let me sink while holding your hand?”

“I grew tired of your bullshit. I grew tired of your view on life, it was myopic. Maybe even bigger than us but still not of our time, but I grew tired. I had to grow up for the both of us.”

“Still Caleb, you could have helped. You ought to have done something.”

“Hey man it was your life and you chose what to do with it. I was just there as an escort, as I escorted you towards your greatness or your death. So here we are.”

Collins took in a deep breath before shifting his weight to the right. He had a knife stuck on the left of his bowels like a pig. Blood was clotting after oozing for quite a while. His breathes were growing shorter by the minute. He smiled at Caleb who looked at him in disgust.

Caleb sat by Collins under the shed of the tree. The river was flowed slowly and silently as if in deep thoughts. He understood that this was going to be a pre-meditated murder and as Collins took his finals breathes, he saw his exit of the free world. Caleb smiled at the birds in the air, at the quiet river and looked at the stupid face of his best friend. Indeed he was dying.

“Collins, why did you do it? Why did you choose to disrespect me in such a manner?”

“I didn’t choose to disrespect you, you had lost her the moment you married her. I just showed you the inevitable. Talking of the inevitable, am I dying for real?”

“Yes you are. It is over. You could have informed me, talked to me…mundu khu mundu.”

“I tried that. I did. All you saw ahead of you was marriage, settling down and the constant poor flow of life as you waited for death. I asked you to build an empire as early as we could but you saw her at the corner of your eyes and as we moved along she became the bigger picture. Now look at the picture stained by bastards and adultery. This is not what you planned for. The unexpected becomes beautiful at its own time.”

“Remember college. Good old days. The first times you had firsts of many. You were the king of the world, strutting around campus like the owner. Sleeping around like you had a target to achieve. I thought you had to abandon that as we went out of college. “

“I was planning to drop all that but habits built are destroyed and not abandoned. I failed to destroy mine. Don’t mind me asking, how did you manage to stay faithful to her? How?”

“I did it as a punishment for everything I had done back then.”

“Hahaha, do you know how foolish you sound? You should have kept the jig up. She did you dirty but it is over now.”

“Yeah it is. I have no other way, I have no options. It had to go this way. One thing though, we failed to honor the bro code, “brothers before sisters.” Here you are bleeding out like a stuck pig. Forgive my anger.”

“Was that anger or a preconceived plan. You brought me here and had to do what you did. I forgive you for everything, maybe you were acting out of anger. The pain of seeing what you loved getting used and dumped. I can’t way I am sorry because I am a victim here.”

“You’re the victim? You, who in my absence decided to bring a child forth into a world you won’t father it. The victim is the little man growing in her womb right now. We, Mary, you and I are drivers of misfortunes. We chose this path and we deserve what’s coming no matter the consequence. So chin up and smile, embrace the pain and hug the sweetness as it lasts.”

“I am willing to accept my mistakes if you are willing to accept that she was not meant for you.”

“What you did was not a mistake, it is not entirely unheard of but it should have happened so close to home. It should not have been you but hey, you did it anyway.”

“Yeah but still you have to accept that she was a burden in the making.”

“So they day she came home after a long weekend away at work during the bomb threat at their work place, she was with you, right?”

“I guess so. When was that?”

“And you just go on with the insults. She came home smelling unusually homely. I guess that was the day she conceived the child. Life is beautiful.”

“Indeed. If I was to live, at some point the truth was to come out or maybe you could just have hated the child from the word go, or just divorced her with no apparent reason. After all you were never meant to be.”

“Talking of what’s to be, are you okay going to hell. We both know, adultery is a sin and in the few minutes you left on this wretched earth you’re wasting explaining to me how Mary was not my best suit.”

“She had to go and the best way to show you was well, to show you.”

“Listening to you talk, I can still feel the greatness I felt as I inserted the knife into your bowels, it was a relief. You are so wrong about her. If I divorced her knowing very well you were the father, would you’ve taken the responsibility or were to watch the child grow from a far the way He does with human, watch him suffer. Don’t you see you ruined everything, a perfect good marriage, a perfect friendship? How many years have you thrown down the drain?”

“Around 10 or fifteen, I cannot count in my current state. Are you going to be okay Caleb?”

“Yes, I am human and that comes with adaptability. I have to be malleable to fit in the current situation.”

“So when are you calling the police or you ought to walk to the police station.”

“I already did. I am sorry it had to come down to this. Whatever is on the other side, embrace it maybe this time you can reincarnate into something worthwhile or maybe stay a ghost and haunt my sleepless nights. Whatever you do, be the very best. Don’t carry the pain along with you. Let go of the guilty. Remember it was I who chose to gut you open.”

“You resorted to advice a dying man. If I become a ghost then we’re going to be unstoppable. Be patient and watch me work. Reincarnation is something I don’t believe in. It is just a way of humans coping with death. All I am toying around is the idea of a God or a Satan. “

“All the best my friend, it was real while it lasted. I may take care of your kid when I come out or maybe he will be taking care of me. Life has funny ways. See you some other time Collins, if we ever meet don’t pass me by…be it heaven, earth or hell. Let’s ride it out once again.”

“I won’t my friend. I can see it coming. They say while dying your whole life flushes in front of you. All I can see is a vast emptiness. A white emptiness. Is this a manifestation of my brain or is death this awkward? I am dying Caleb. This is all on you.”

Caleb allowed him to lean closer on his shoulder as he tried to soothe him.

“Let go of the worries, embrace the unknown change. It may be worthwhile.”

Police sirens could be heard from a far. An ambulance was on the way too. Caleb stood up, laid his head on the trunk of the tree. He listened for his pulse on the neck. As weak as it was, Collins was a fighter. His breathes were now shorter and shallower. He had to gasp for air.

Caleb looked at his hands shook his head, he shouted, “Mary, look at what you made me do.”

The cars came in hot raising dusts as the Police officers jumped out before they were packed. This was his day. He was going to get an escort.

SEEMINGLY DEAD

He woke up to find himself on the chair; his head ache so did his neck. He looked around the house and noticed the clothes on the bed, the dirty dishes on the sink and the repetitive droplets of water from the tap. The bucket was filling to the brim as water kept dripping in it. The sound it made bothered him. He stood from the chair, stretched his neck sideways in a bid to straighten it. On the bed was a young lady half naked. The sun kissed her skin as it shone brightly on her nipple. She was deeply asleep. He didn’t move to disturb her though his heart wanted to. He felt the urge to touch her, play around with her exposed body but he didn’t move.

He shut down the laptop in front of him as a knock echoed from the door. He went for the door. Before he could open it, his phone rung and he came back for it. It was his fiancé. He picked the call as he went to the door.

“Hello, are you still sleeping? Why were you not answering your phone? Is someone else with you?”

He opened the door to find her waiting meekly. She smiled and hung up the call. She made a gesture to hug him as he spread his arms, she saw the exposed body. She went straight to the bed.

Mike was still dressed in his briefs and a black vest that hugged his body exposing the six pack. Rita moved past him as she pushed towards the bed. She threw the duvet off the young lady who was woken from her slumber by the rays of sun on her now exposed face.

“Who are you? Why are you waking me up? Babe did you forget to pay the rent again? Is this the land lady?”

Rita looked at her, smiled as she held back on the boiling anger. She reached for her purse but her hands went for the knife on the sink. It was still dirty from cutting ‘ugali’. She gripped the knife tightly as she drove it through the young lady’s chest. She repeated the stabbing severally before pausing and realizing what she had done. She stood there like a character in a paused movie. The knife dropped from her hands as blood flow from the bed to her feet. She was shivering with anger and fear. Her fear was overwhelming her anger. Her hands shook involuntarily as her breathes became short to the point of stopping. The only person on her mind was Mike.

Mike stood by the door in wonder. He wanted stop her but his feet couldn’t move. He remained glued to one spot wishing Rita was stabbing him. It would have been a relief and an escape too. How was he going to explain this to anybody?

Rita picked the knife, wiped it and placed it in Mike’s hands who was still in shock. She washed her hands, carefully but aggressively taking her time. She wanted to wash off the memory of what she had done. She went to the door, opened it and left.

Mike came back to reality. The body on the bed. Blood on the floor. He was sweating profusely as his mouth ran dry. He dropped the knife and ran to the body. It was still warm. It moved though faintly. He turned her head to him, her face seemed familiar. He did not recall who she was no matter what. Her weak pulse was slowing down. She tried opening her blood-filled mouth in a bid to talk but she failed. Finally, she gave up. She was gone.

Mike looked at the now limp body and tears dropped from his eyes. He wished he could remember her but his brain always failed him at the most crucial moments. He sat down to think of the next step as he controlled his breathing. He had to find a way out.

Mike was seated on the chair, still in his briefs and his black vest. The water from the tap was still dropping in the bucket making a continuous annoying rhythm. Its repetition annoyed him.  He had a headache which seemed to be emanating from the neck. He stood up and straightened his neck. He noticed the girl on the bed whose nipple was sun-kissed. What a beautiful view for a morning.

He fought his urge to play with the nipple as he shut down the laptop on the table. He heard a knock on the door as his phone rung. He was half way to the door when he came back for the phone.

“Hello, are you still sleeping? Why were you not answering your phone? Is someone else with you?”

He opened the door and there stood his girlfriend. She was on the phone. She hung up as she smiled at him ready for a hug. Mike spread his arms for one. Rita saw the exposed nipple on the bed and flew past Mike pushing him away. She threw away the duvet and there was a young lady half naked on the bed. She woke up angry.

“Who are you? Why are you waking me up? Babe did you forget to pay the rent again? Is this the land lady?”

Mike was by the door when Rita picked a knife from the sink. It clicked in him, “Was this a de’javu? Has he gone through this?” the dropping of water confirmed it as Rita went for the chest. She stabbed the young lady severally as Mike was drowned in confusion. He moved to stop her but she was done. She wiped the knife and gave it to Mike. She washed the blood off her hands and face. She wiped the droplets from her blouse and left, leaving the door open.

Mike closed the door and went back to the dying lady. She was losing her life. The look on her face was distant and forgiving. She tried to talk but the blood in her mouth hindered it. She took the last breath and poof she was gone. Mike looked at the body shaking. He could not imagine the meek Rita had done this. What was he going to do?

He moved around the room as tears dropped from his eyes freely. He drew back the curtains to stop the sun from shinning into the room. He wanted darkness away from the betraying light. He leaned on the wall and slumped down to the floor covering his face in his hands.

The blood was slowly clotting as its floor was cut short. The blood on the floor was still moving and this time its flow was towards Mike, the cause of all this. He limited his breathing in a bid to forget what had just happened but the anxiety in his heart could not leave to rest.

His mind went to Rita. He recalled how she stabbed the young lady as if possessed. She repeated without hesitation as if she was enjoying it. She then framed him perfectly for murder. “Where was she going? Why was a strange lady on his bed in the first place? Who was she?”

His sweat was now making it hard to remain still in that position. He had to move. He had to act and correct everything. He wondered how it will all turn out. “If I was to report, what would I tell the police?”

“My girlfriend killed a strange girl on my bed in my house?” He had the murder weapon in house that had his fingerprints all over. He was in an impossible situation. Finally, his sweat mixed with the dead girl’s blood forming a bridge at first before mixing completely.

He stood up ready to act. He was to do something.

Mike woke up from the chair, his head was aching and his neck hurt probably from sleeping on the table. He looked around the house wondering why he slept on the chair in his own house. He looked around the room and saw the sun-kissed nipple. He must have had a lady over. He was still in his briefs and a black vest. The sink had dirty dishes with water dropping in an almost full bucket. The droplets made a bothersome sound as they landed in the bucket. The meniscus on the bucket was almost torn.

He stood up and stretched his neck as bones crackled. He shut down the laptop as he assumed the urge to touch the young lady. A knock on the door came and he moved to answer it. Halfway there his phone rung. He came back to answer it.

“Hello, are you still sleeping? Why were you not answering your phone? Is someone else with you?”

On the door stood his girlfriend. She smiled at him and gestured him for a hug. As Mike spread his arms, she noticed the nipple in the bed. She flew past him pushing him away. Rita threw the duvet off the young lady and there she was half naked. She woke up complaining.

“Who are you? Why are you waking me up? Babe did you forget to pay the rent again? Is this the land lady?”

Mike was still at the door knowing not what to do. He could feel the changes in Rita as she frantically tried being calm. In the wicked silence of the moment, Mike recalled the feeling of having gone through this already. He remembered Rita stabbing the young lady to her death. He moved quickly and took the knife from the sink.

Rita moved around and sat down on the chair, her hands did not find anything that could calm her. She had to do it herself. She looked at Mike angrily as she concentrated on her breathing. The young lady on the bed covered herself with duvet as she tried to be appropriate. She was confused. Rita spoke.

“Who is she?”

No one was ready to talk. It was silence all over as everyone concentrating on whatever absorbed the embarrassment. Mike was rearranging the shapes of the tiles on the floor in his mind as the young lady counted the curves made by the roofing sheets.

“Mike I’m talking to you. Who is she?”

“You won’t believe me even if I tell you.”

“Indulge me dear.”

“To be sincere, I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? I don’t believe you.”

“I told you, you won’t but for real I don’t know her. I woke up and found her half naked on my bed.”

“You guys know I’m right here, you could just ask me.”

“Shut up lady, nobody is talking to you. Then where did you sleep?”

“On that very chair, my neck hurts really bad.”

“Okay, and why are you in your boxers? What did you do before you slept?”

“I guess I was on my laptop, allow me to power it up. I may have written something or was working on an animation. I don’t remember.”

“How convenient, what did you do yesterday? You mean to say, this wretched human dropped from heaven on your bed and came naked. Isn’t that just convenient?

“I don’t know Rita, I don’t know.”

Mike woke up and found the lady on the bed, she was half-naked from the look of it. He was tired and in pain. He remembered waking up to this. It felt so real that he shook the lady awake.

“Who are you and what are you doing on my bed?”

“Hey dear, you don’t remember anything, do you?”

“No, I don’t. Why are you here? Get dressed you are leaving.”

“Come on dear, the fun is not yet here. Can we wait just a little longer? She is almost here. Just give it like one, two, three…”

There was knock at the door.

“There we go, let the fun begin. I don’t know it is going to end this time round.”

“What are you talking about? Get dressed lady you are leaving.”

The phone rung and it was his girlfriend. He picked it.

“Hello, are you still sleeping? Why were you not answering your phone? Is someone else with you?”

He didn’t get a chance to talk as he hung up.

“Get dressed, I don’t know why you’re smiling. If my girlfriend gets here in your current outfit you’re done.”
“I want to be offed by her, let her in, I am ready. Finally, it is happening.”

“Lady get up, he moved towards her, she did not have any clothes of her own in the house. What happened yesterday?

He went for the door after covering her with the duvet and a few of the clothes.

Rita stormed in the house, she looked around and touched the duvet before seeing her feet. It was a lady. She started shaking from growing anger, Mike saw through her anger and calmed her. She took her time before she could settle down and listen to what Mike was to say.

“I don’t know what happened Rita.”

“Really, I haven’t even asked, okay big boy. What happened here? Who’s is the young lady on your bed? What is she doing?”

“I don’t know; hell I don’t know even her name.”

Mike woke up from his sleep. He had been sleeping on the table. His head and neck hurt. He immediately remembered how it was to go through the previous loops. He was locked in one event for the day. He saw the lady on the bed, the dirty dishes on the sink, the dipping water from the tap into the bucket. It was all the same from the previous events. He had to protect the strange lady lest Rita killed her. He closed the laptop without shutting it down.

He stretched his neck before going for the lady.

“Hey you, wake up. You need to go. Take one of Rita’s dresses and leave. I don’t want her finding you here.”

“You don’t get it, do you?”

“What am I to get? Rita has killed you twice and she will do it again if you’re not gone. “

“I am here to die, I thought by the time we get to the last loop you would have figured it. You are dumber than I thought.”

“Why does she have to kill you? Why me? Why today?”

“You do know yourself, don’t you? The player in you, the cheater in you, the liar in you, the manipulator in you and the war with your conscience in wanting not to admit who you are. Mike you’re the perfect candidate to help me.”

“How?”

“Your negative energy and the strong fight your soul puts are helpful in pushing this immortality spell.”

“Immortality. You were killed and you died before my eyes.”

“Well, watch and learn Mike. I am not going anywhere without my spell energized.”

Rita knocked on the door as she called Mike. The phone rung as he stood up. He resorted to watch fate play its flute. He was to stop whatever Rita would do.

Rita came in angrier than ever for the ten missed calls Mike hadn’t answered. She saw the lady seated on the bed half-naked. The breasts were out for display. Her first reaction was to fight but Mike restrained her. He explained to her about the previous events, how they had that very conversation. She listened attentively but as Mike told her of the murders she had committed her urge to kill arose. She eyed the lady with anger. The young lady looked back in jest.

As Mike was absorbed in the storytelling Rita pounced on the knife in the sink. She went for the neck and blood spurted as its strength reduced and the distance it spread to reduced. The lady on the bed died as her eyes remained opened in anticipation.

Mike looked at Rita and shook his head. Rita Looked back at him and they sat in silence. Thirty minutes went by without anyone saying a thing. The lady suddenly woke up grumpy as if from a long slumber. She looked angrily at Mike and Rita. She took a dress from the pile on the bed and left the room. Mike sat there in anticipation of the next loop. As the lady walked towards the door, her skin grew wrinkly each minute. She was growing old. Rita followed her leaving Mike to clean her mess. Mike sat there in stupor.

FANTASY NIGHT

“Don’t mind me asking but are you mad Celine?”

“What the hell, of cause I’m sane. Where is this coming from?”

“The last time we talked you made it very clear that you never want to see me again. You went ahead and unfriended me on every social media channels. As if that was not enough, you had to change places of residence twice just to make sure I wasn’t following you. What’s happening?”

“Nothing, can’t I just reach out? “

“I don’t know but you had blocked me, this is a new number. Why are we here, why are we down this road again? We both know where it leads.”

“Who said we are treading on the same road. You are so full of yourself. I was just checking on you; after all we have a pandemic going on. Look at you being selfish and stuff. Do you think the world revolves around you? Easy there boy.”

“Ouch. You didn’t just call me a boy. We both know what you are here for. In the middle of a pandemic after six months of a messy breakup. What do you want?”

“Nothing, I don’t want anything. I am just checking on you. Are you okay bro?

“Really now. Okay, I’m fine sister. How have you been?

“Fine if I may, all is smooth. A bit of struggle here and there but I am managing. I heard that your company laid off a few of its employees.”

“Haha, and there it is ladies and gentlemen. I knew you wouldn’t hide it for much longer. It burns on your skin so painful that you had to hear from the horse’s own mouth. You are one weird creature.”

“Oooh, now I’m a creature. Pardon me for being a caring ex.”

“Do you even listen to yourself speaking? Do you know what comes after ‘x’?”

“’Y’

“Nice, you now getting things in the first trial. Yes, it is a ‘y’ as in why did you become an ex if you were this caring?”

“Come on, do you want me to give you reasons why we broke up? Are you for real?”

“Pardon me if I am being backward but I want to know.”

“I will give you ten with pleasure.”

“Go on, share your meticulous list of why I am not okay dating you.”

“Here we go: one, you joke too much. You never take anything seriously.”

“That’s how I get through life. How else am I to live in this cruel world?”

“Two, you are so inconsiderate and this I can cite examples and even give proper description.

“No need that I know.”

“Three, you are insensitive. You recall the day you came to my house and found me crying. You teased saying that if I was trying for a movie character I was really getting into it. I tried explaining to you what happened but you didn’t care. We sat for an hour and you decided to go home. That day I lost our supposed baby. I told you severally that I had missed my periods but your jokes came in handy in sweeping that story under carpet.”

“Wow, wow, wow. Chill, what are you talking about? Why weren’t you straight with me? I’m pretty sure if you ever said that you were pregnant, I would be ready to help.” Why didn’t you tell me? You lost my baby and just kept quiet. Don’t you think I deserved to know what was going on?”

“Listen to yourself talk, how selfish you sound. I am the one who lost something that had grown in me for three months. I…can’t with you right what’s wrong with you Collins?”

Celine went silent over the phone. Collins could hear soft sobs from her end but he knew nothing about calming her. He was sorry, his heart was growing heavy by the minute. He wished he could hug her, talk to her as he tries not to upset her, but all these were impossible. He had a way of make things awkward and talks weird.

Five minutes went by as Celine sobbed and Collins listened to her. A silence ensued before Collins spoke.

“Hey, Celine. I’m really sorry. I only have one question; why did you call today?”

“Hehe, okay. I missed you. Is that enough for you?”

“No, why did you really call? In the past your night calls were only booty calls, so allow me to ask again. Why did you call?”

“Okay, it has been long since I had a human touch in a way that it makes blood rush from the skin. Although I really miss you.”

“And we are back to the first question, are you insane? From the reasons you gave and the messy breakup why would you in your proper mind miss me?”

“I guess there is something that pulls me towards you, a force that attracts me to my destruction the same way a moth is attracted to the light. The same way to live is to die, I am attracted to you in ways that surprise me too. I wish it could be different, I wish I would lie my way out of what I’m feeling but I can’t.”

“You do know I am going to be your demise. Seems like I’m the sweet poison you drink while smiling knowing it will kill you but you drink nonetheless. I am sorry.”

“Are you going to deny this fine lady what she wants? Are you going to watch me as I suffer and hurt for loving you, are you going to see me ache from loving the one thing that will always hurt me?”

“I guess yes. I have to be the bigger person here. I will have to deny you what would kill you. You may think I’m the one for you but I don’t know if you are the one for me.”

“Fuck you. I am being vulnerable but like always you have to trample all over my heart. “

“I am sorry. I have a bargain in mind. Would you like to hear?”

“Of course, pour out the details.”

“I am coming to some money, can I make it up to you for losing the baby and everything I ever did wrong…”

“Sounds about right.”

“Be patient and let me finish. One night full of wonder and splendor after which we part ways. We’re too toxic for this relationship. Is that okay with you?”

“Really bro, even after sharing all that.”

“Yes, I am helping you. For this night we both have be on an off day. When can you be free?”

“I am not agreeing to this.”

“Come on Celine don’t make me beg. I am doing you a favor by walking out of your life. This is your chance to open your eyes and see. This is a time for you to flap your wings and fly to freedom, unshackle yourself from my chains and any hold I have on you. Be free at last, love and live dear.”

“Give me a day please.”

“Okay.”

The phone went dead as Celine hung up. Collins sat on the bed wondering why he had to ask her out. “She was in love with you and that’s her problem, you didn’t have to be involved. “

He finally stood up after an hour, looked around the bedroom before proceeding to the sitting room. A pile of clothes sat by the seat on the left of the entertainment unit. Bread crumbs were on the carpet as he sat down on a box of pizza that had remains from yesterday. He was still confused.

The weekend went on faster than he could enjoy and as Monday kicked in he was rethinking his offer to Celine. The more he thought about it the more convinced he became about avoiding her. He went to work on that day still low and had to spend the whole day in office.

Tuesday came, it was chilly in the morning just as July was expected. The cold had him warmed up for the day ahead. The money he was waiting for was already in the account awaiting spending. He was flying high as kite.

The day went on well and evening came. He left work at around three in the evening. He was to meet some friends before leaving for home.

They met at Uplands Hotel in the heart of the city. Most of the people there were taking their dinners as each was concentrated on their food. Most seemed like middle aged men with early divorces except for a bunch of college kids with their girlfriends on dates.

He sat by the door waiting for his friends when a group of ladies walked in, the air in the hotel changed as every man took a glance and quickly turned to their food. Collins enjoyed the advantage of the door, unable to see their faces he was left with an amazing scenery of their curvy bodies. He took his time to absorb it all in. as the ladies walked Collins noticed a walking style that he had only seen in one girl. The majestic walk with an aura of importance that made her charismatic in a way. It must be Celine. He took an interest in the group.

Fifteen minutes passed before his friends came in and in those fifteen minutes, Collins mustered the courage to talk to her. In a group of ladies, impossible as it felt he walked towards the table.

Celine saw him coming. He saw the confidence in his face and understood that whatever he was going to say she would obey without any objection nor question. He was her weakness and he knew it. She stood up with her bag, gave her friend on the right an envelope and left as if going to the washroom.

Collins was absorbed in what he was going to say and didn’t see her leave. Finally, he was at the table.

“Hello ladies, ooh. Where is the other one, Celine? Where is she?”                        

“She left and this is for you.”

He took the envelope and left.

He waited for his friends and before they could show he left as he texted them an excuse as to why he could not show up. He was startled.

He went home.

At home, Collins tried calling Celine but her phone was switched off and so he resorted to reading what she had left him.

“To the breaker of my heart,

A night of wonder you called it, a night of splendor you said.  I wish it could be as easy as you want to make it. I am sorry for being unable to be there in person but we all know how it would be. You would say some hurtful things and I would absorb them only to let them out in tears. We have been trying this relationship for the past two years and in the two years I have loved you unconditionally to which you responded with conditions. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just love me but you have your reasons and I am just another passing phase in your life. I wanted to be a stubborn stain and stay but wounds of the heart don’t heal that easily. And so this is how the night would have been:

We will meet at four in the evening since you were always punctual, I would be late by twenty minutes. I will come dressed in a long flowing purple dress with a slit from the right thigh and a pair of black stilettos. You will be clad in a pair black denim trousers with a white casual shirt and a black blazer. Always in your relaxed mode.

Walking down the road as our hands touch and fingers brush. Slowly we would move in a bid to savor the moment. Our hearts would be absorbed in making this night last.  Our first stop will be the restaurant by the corner near your office where you have longed to go but never got the chance. From there we will go to my favorite candy house for ice cream. Although you will not take any you will carry one flavor just for me after am done with the other one. Of course as careless you are the ice cream will fall of the cone and my flavor will be wasted. We will laugh at that as we go to the movies. Two hours at our favorite cinema.

We will leave at around ten in the night. Seemingly early, you will suggest we go to the aquarium since you know a guy who works there. We will pay the watchman and go in. the place will be amazingly quiet and as you turn the lights on, the mixture of arrays will shine on us make us the most beautiful pair in the place. We will move around disturbing fishes. They will not be sleeping.

An hour will go by before we leave for the skating hall since you also know a guy who works there. We will pay the watchman go in, turn the lights on, turn the music up and choose our playlist. This is our night, our past will be our past and tonight we are not talking about any of it. We will skate and play around. You will try to kiss me but I will avoid it severally before giving in. We will dance to our songs and as time goes by we will be reminded by the watchman that it was about time we leave.

As we walk out, stilettos in hands, you will book an Uber as we wait. I will suggest we walk around the city at night. It will be splendid. You will give me your shoes and walk on socks. We will go round in circles in the city awaiting the Uber. As the car arrives, it will start raining. You will board the car and before I could follow you in, another car will arrive.

I will walk away from you as you look in surprise trying to talk to me, I will walk not heeding to your cries. As soon as I board, we will leave. You will order the driver to drop you home. I will text you later as a late night- early morning text, “It was not about to end with sex.”

You will laugh at the text in the morning. Seeing the sense in letting the perfect night not to be ruined by sex. You will count your losses accounting for what you spend. It will be over but still linger in our hearts. You will be happy for having gone through it but I will be sadder than usual since I had to promise it was the last time I will be seeing you.

Thank you for being patient with me,

Yours found and lost,

Celine.

PS: We are not getting back together as you said it is for my own good. Thank you for opening my thick eyes.”

Collins finished the letter and sank into his phone. He noticed that Celine had powered her phone and so he called her. It went through as he waited.