“Don’t mind me asking but are you mad Celine?”
“What the hell, of cause I’m sane. Where is this coming from?”
“The last time we talked you made it very clear that you never want to see me again. You went ahead and unfriended me on every social media channels. As if that was not enough, you had to change places of residence twice just to make sure I wasn’t following you. What’s happening?”
“Nothing, can’t I just reach out? “
“I don’t know but you had blocked me, this is a new number. Why are we here, why are we down this road again? We both know where it leads.”
“Who said we are treading on the same road. You are so full of yourself. I was just checking on you; after all we have a pandemic going on. Look at you being selfish and stuff. Do you think the world revolves around you? Easy there boy.”
“Ouch. You didn’t just call me a boy. We both know what you are here for. In the middle of a pandemic after six months of a messy breakup. What do you want?”
“Nothing, I don’t want anything. I am just checking on you. Are you okay bro?
“Really now. Okay, I’m fine sister. How have you been?
“Fine if I may, all is smooth. A bit of struggle here and there but I am managing. I heard that your company laid off a few of its employees.”
“Haha, and there it is ladies and gentlemen. I knew you wouldn’t hide it for much longer. It burns on your skin so painful that you had to hear from the horse’s own mouth. You are one weird creature.”
“Oooh, now I’m a creature. Pardon me for being a caring ex.”
“Do you even listen to yourself speaking? Do you know what comes after ‘x’?”
“Nice, you now getting things in the first trial. Yes, it is a ‘y’ as in why did you become an ex if you were this caring?”
“Come on, do you want me to give you reasons why we broke up? Are you for real?”
“Pardon me if I am being backward but I want to know.”
“I will give you ten with pleasure.”
“Go on, share your meticulous list of why I am not okay dating you.”
“Here we go: one, you joke too much. You never take anything seriously.”
“That’s how I get through life. How else am I to live in this cruel world?”
“Two, you are so inconsiderate and this I can cite examples and even give proper description.
“No need that I know.”
“Three, you are insensitive. You recall the day you came to my house and found me crying. You teased saying that if I was trying for a movie character I was really getting into it. I tried explaining to you what happened but you didn’t care. We sat for an hour and you decided to go home. That day I lost our supposed baby. I told you severally that I had missed my periods but your jokes came in handy in sweeping that story under carpet.”
“Wow, wow, wow. Chill, what are you talking about? Why weren’t you straight with me? I’m pretty sure if you ever said that you were pregnant, I would be ready to help.” Why didn’t you tell me? You lost my baby and just kept quiet. Don’t you think I deserved to know what was going on?”
“Listen to yourself talk, how selfish you sound. I am the one who lost something that had grown in me for three months. I…can’t with you right what’s wrong with you Collins?”
Celine went silent over the phone. Collins could hear soft sobs from her end but he knew nothing about calming her. He was sorry, his heart was growing heavy by the minute. He wished he could hug her, talk to her as he tries not to upset her, but all these were impossible. He had a way of make things awkward and talks weird.
Five minutes went by as Celine sobbed and Collins listened to her. A silence ensued before Collins spoke.
“Hey, Celine. I’m really sorry. I only have one question; why did you call today?”
“Hehe, okay. I missed you. Is that enough for you?”
“No, why did you really call? In the past your night calls were only booty calls, so allow me to ask again. Why did you call?”
“Okay, it has been long since I had a human touch in a way that it makes blood rush from the skin. Although I really miss you.”
“And we are back to the first question, are you insane? From the reasons you gave and the messy breakup why would you in your proper mind miss me?”
“I guess there is something that pulls me towards you, a force that attracts me to my destruction the same way a moth is attracted to the light. The same way to live is to die, I am attracted to you in ways that surprise me too. I wish it could be different, I wish I would lie my way out of what I’m feeling but I can’t.”
“You do know I am going to be your demise. Seems like I’m the sweet poison you drink while smiling knowing it will kill you but you drink nonetheless. I am sorry.”
“Are you going to deny this fine lady what she wants? Are you going to watch me as I suffer and hurt for loving you, are you going to see me ache from loving the one thing that will always hurt me?”
“I guess yes. I have to be the bigger person here. I will have to deny you what would kill you. You may think I’m the one for you but I don’t know if you are the one for me.”
“Fuck you. I am being vulnerable but like always you have to trample all over my heart. “
“I am sorry. I have a bargain in mind. Would you like to hear?”
“Of course, pour out the details.”
“I am coming to some money, can I make it up to you for losing the baby and everything I ever did wrong…”
“Sounds about right.”
“Be patient and let me finish. One night full of wonder and splendor after which we part ways. We’re too toxic for this relationship. Is that okay with you?”
“Really bro, even after sharing all that.”
“Yes, I am helping you. For this night we both have be on an off day. When can you be free?”
“I am not agreeing to this.”
“Come on Celine don’t make me beg. I am doing you a favor by walking out of your life. This is your chance to open your eyes and see. This is a time for you to flap your wings and fly to freedom, unshackle yourself from my chains and any hold I have on you. Be free at last, love and live dear.”
“Give me a day please.”
The phone went dead as Celine hung up. Collins sat on the bed wondering why he had to ask her out. “She was in love with you and that’s her problem, you didn’t have to be involved. “
He finally stood up after an hour, looked around the bedroom before proceeding to the sitting room. A pile of clothes sat by the seat on the left of the entertainment unit. Bread crumbs were on the carpet as he sat down on a box of pizza that had remains from yesterday. He was still confused.
The weekend went on faster than he could enjoy and as Monday kicked in he was rethinking his offer to Celine. The more he thought about it the more convinced he became about avoiding her. He went to work on that day still low and had to spend the whole day in office.
Tuesday came, it was chilly in the morning just as July was expected. The cold had him warmed up for the day ahead. The money he was waiting for was already in the account awaiting spending. He was flying high as kite.
The day went on well and evening came. He left work at around three in the evening. He was to meet some friends before leaving for home.
They met at Uplands Hotel in the heart of the city. Most of the people there were taking their dinners as each was concentrated on their food. Most seemed like middle aged men with early divorces except for a bunch of college kids with their girlfriends on dates.
He sat by the door waiting for his friends when a group of ladies walked in, the air in the hotel changed as every man took a glance and quickly turned to their food. Collins enjoyed the advantage of the door, unable to see their faces he was left with an amazing scenery of their curvy bodies. He took his time to absorb it all in. as the ladies walked Collins noticed a walking style that he had only seen in one girl. The majestic walk with an aura of importance that made her charismatic in a way. It must be Celine. He took an interest in the group.
Fifteen minutes passed before his friends came in and in those fifteen minutes, Collins mustered the courage to talk to her. In a group of ladies, impossible as it felt he walked towards the table.
Celine saw him coming. He saw the confidence in his face and understood that whatever he was going to say she would obey without any objection nor question. He was her weakness and he knew it. She stood up with her bag, gave her friend on the right an envelope and left as if going to the washroom.
Collins was absorbed in what he was going to say and didn’t see her leave. Finally, he was at the table.
“Hello ladies, ooh. Where is the other one, Celine? Where is she?”
“She left and this is for you.”
He took the envelope and left.
He waited for his friends and before they could show he left as he texted them an excuse as to why he could not show up. He was startled.
He went home.
At home, Collins tried calling Celine but her phone was switched off and so he resorted to reading what she had left him.
“To the breaker of my heart,
A night of wonder you called it, a night of splendor you said. I wish it could be as easy as you want to make it. I am sorry for being unable to be there in person but we all know how it would be. You would say some hurtful things and I would absorb them only to let them out in tears. We have been trying this relationship for the past two years and in the two years I have loved you unconditionally to which you responded with conditions. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just love me but you have your reasons and I am just another passing phase in your life. I wanted to be a stubborn stain and stay but wounds of the heart don’t heal that easily. And so this is how the night would have been:
We will meet at four in the evening since you were always punctual, I would be late by twenty minutes. I will come dressed in a long flowing purple dress with a slit from the right thigh and a pair of black stilettos. You will be clad in a pair black denim trousers with a white casual shirt and a black blazer. Always in your relaxed mode.
Walking down the road as our hands touch and fingers brush. Slowly we would move in a bid to savor the moment. Our hearts would be absorbed in making this night last. Our first stop will be the restaurant by the corner near your office where you have longed to go but never got the chance. From there we will go to my favorite candy house for ice cream. Although you will not take any you will carry one flavor just for me after am done with the other one. Of course as careless you are the ice cream will fall of the cone and my flavor will be wasted. We will laugh at that as we go to the movies. Two hours at our favorite cinema.
We will leave at around ten in the night. Seemingly early, you will suggest we go to the aquarium since you know a guy who works there. We will pay the watchman and go in. the place will be amazingly quiet and as you turn the lights on, the mixture of arrays will shine on us make us the most beautiful pair in the place. We will move around disturbing fishes. They will not be sleeping.
An hour will go by before we leave for the skating hall since you also know a guy who works there. We will pay the watchman go in, turn the lights on, turn the music up and choose our playlist. This is our night, our past will be our past and tonight we are not talking about any of it. We will skate and play around. You will try to kiss me but I will avoid it severally before giving in. We will dance to our songs and as time goes by we will be reminded by the watchman that it was about time we leave.
As we walk out, stilettos in hands, you will book an Uber as we wait. I will suggest we walk around the city at night. It will be splendid. You will give me your shoes and walk on socks. We will go round in circles in the city awaiting the Uber. As the car arrives, it will start raining. You will board the car and before I could follow you in, another car will arrive.
I will walk away from you as you look in surprise trying to talk to me, I will walk not heeding to your cries. As soon as I board, we will leave. You will order the driver to drop you home. I will text you later as a late night- early morning text, “It was not about to end with sex.”
You will laugh at the text in the morning. Seeing the sense in letting the perfect night not to be ruined by sex. You will count your losses accounting for what you spend. It will be over but still linger in our hearts. You will be happy for having gone through it but I will be sadder than usual since I had to promise it was the last time I will be seeing you.
Thank you for being patient with me,
Yours found and lost,
PS: We are not getting back together as you said it is for my own good. Thank you for opening my thick eyes.”
Collins finished the letter and sank into his phone. He noticed that Celine had powered her phone and so he called her. It went through as he waited.